No seriously! It is! Ask Chaucer!
If you’ve ever been around me when February 14th has approached, you have undoubtedly heard me express my sheer excitement and admiration for the day most of you call Valentine’s Day. Corporate greeting card, chocolate and flower day, as I like to refer to it, is my most favorite time of the year. I rank it right up there with the day I had to drink Magnesium Citrate before a surgical procedure. Don’t know what that is? I will spare you the details and let you Google it. However, I will say that it is an effective way to turn a human into a bottle rocket! Ohhhhh the memories of the horrible night still haunt me. Yes! I hate Valentines Day! I always have. I will admit that the marketing behind it is genius though. I mean who is going to plant a battle flag and rebel against love, ESPECIALLY if you are in a relationship. Taking a stand against the dreaded VD in that scenario is like saying you hate puppies, or kittens or babies! Who is going to do that? Not many, mainly because no one wants to risk not getting any loving later on…..am I right guys? Huh? You know what I’m talking about!!! Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge!! Anyway, at some point the marketing monster planted the seed that made it clear that the only way to profess your true love on this random day in February was to spend tons of money on flowers (that are just going to die), candy (that only has about five decent chocolates in it, the rest will be thrown away) jewelry (don’t even get me started with that) and expensive restaurants (that you more than likely will wait to get into for hours and may still never get a table). The seed that was planted has continued to reproduce and this idea is now a raging rain forest that is out of control only surpassed by the fat man in the red suit. I am sure you are saying. “Well Scrumpy, you are just a cynic!” Well…yes that is true, however, it doesn’t mean I am wrong.
To think that all this was started by Geofferry Chaucer and his poem Parliament of the Fowls. That’s Right! A poem about birds picking a mate. In the end they even decide that singing is better than having a mate and decide to wait till next year! In other words, it’s OK not to buy into the hype. Hear that single people??!! It’s OK to not have a date on VD! Skip the depression this year. Let’s face it, if you were single the day before and single the day after, it’s not going to matter if you are single on VD!! Don’t let the marketing monster dictate how you should feel or when you should spend all your money just to prove it. Take heart in the fact that most of the couples that are out and about that night will most likely end up in a fight due to wading through the masses of people anyway. It’s a sham I tell you! I mean Al Capone saw that, and look how he handled it! He had a bunch of Irish mobsters killed. I submit that it was because he forgot to get flowers for his lady, she gave him the stink eye, and he took it out on those poor Irish chuckle heads. Well…..either that or it was because he was the head of a murderous crime syndicate in Chicago, but who REALLY knows?! The point is, don’t be an Al Capone because you buy into the hype and it leads you into an evening of stress and frustration!! Instead, know who you love and why you love them! Tell them often! Don’t have anyone dictate that it has to be this Friday night, and don’t break the bank on a useless night out. Plus, I’m thinking about going out and I’d like to get a table at Salt Grass in less than 3 hours. Thanks for your help!! Love you!